How’s this for an ass shot? he texts me back.
I reply: …You told me your ass was flat and wasn’t anything special. You lied to me.
HIm: …What? No one ever says my ass is hot and my pants don’t stay up.
Me: I think you’re just not wearing the right pants, cause damn, I’d tap that. You still want me to come over?
Him: Yes! Been on Grindr all night trying to get laid, you have no idea how horny I am.
Me: I’ve been up late playing with myself and thinking how nice it’d be to ride someone hard tonight…you know I have a thing for white boy asses. 
Me: Hey do you have a roommate?
Him: Ah fuck you’re gonna make me hard too.. No why?
Me: There’s so many products on your counter, I thought a girl lived there.
Him: Er. No. Those are all mine. I like to feel nice and I use different scents on different days to go with my mood.
Me: Oh a high maintenance boy are you? Well you pick someone warm and sensual because I want you to smell delicious when I ravish you…
Him: I’m gonna go shower then while I wait. I’ll text you my address. Door is unlocked!

I smile at my phone. Gosh, isn’t he cute. How has no one snapped that cute ass up by now? Mine, all mine.

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Text is fictional.