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The first time we had sex, it was after 13 long, slow months of dating. Julian wanted to go further, but was petrified stiff. No pun intended. He wanted to set a date to lose his virginity. At his request, I loosened him up with craft beer and Jack Daniels, and also at his request, put a little GHB in his drink. Just a little. He also took poppers. To say Julian relaxed instantly was an understatement – he was on me, crazy horny, and dragging me to bed.

We got naked and he wanted me to take him – was begging me to take him, to fuck him hard – but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. He wasn’t sober, and even though he’d consented, I wanted our first time together be real. He wasn’t going to remember this. He was never going to know how much of it was the drugs and alcohol and how much was love and passion. I was never going to know either.

So, I edged him and capped it off with an intense handjob. Julian exploded all over my chest, then promptly passed out.

The next morning, he was gone before I woke up. I couldn’t get a hold of him until 9 pm that night. I had texted him stating if he didn’t respond to me right goddamn now I was filing a missing persons report. Julian replied and asked to meet me at a coffee shop.

He picked an isolated table in the back. Before I could get a word out, he  begins to blather about how gross and disgusting he felt. He was headachey; he couldn’t remember most of the previous night and was regretting having ruined his first time. I kept trying to interrupt him but he just kept talking, so eventually I just put my hand over his mouth and said firmly. “If you just shut up a moment, I’d inform you that we didn’t have sex.”
“….What?” Julian’s face furrows. “I don’t understand – I remember being naked, cumming…”
“You were on aphrodisiacs, horned out of your mind. I gave you a handjob because you said you’d only not like them if you were dead. I had to get you off the edge. You passed out like, right after.”
He blushes. “But we didn’t…fuck? You didn’t penetrate me with your cock?”
“No. For the exact reasons you described above. Handjobs were always something you were fine with, but penetrative sex was another matter. Just because you consented before the booze and GHB doesn’t mean you still do after you’ve taken them. I felt like such a creep. I felt like I was going to rape you, the way you just were grinding on me like crazy. You wanted my dick, but I didn’t know if you really did, you know? I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to "do the deed”, I wanted to make love with you. You were fucking hot, but it was not what I wanted.“
Julian sits in silence, blinking like an owl at me. "But… how can I be sure?”
“No open condom wrappers. No sore ass. You’ve never taken my cock before, I would have stretched you first. You would have remembered that.”

“No condom wrappers…” He fights the indignancy he’d been building all day, then releases it all in an audible sigh. He collapses back into his chair, exhausted. “oh my god. I am so relieved. Just…Jesus fucking Christ, I was coming here to break up with you!”
“I know,” I say softly.
“God you are amazing. You’re the best boyfriend ever. I am so grateful for your thoughtfulness.”
I give him a warm smile. “It’s because of you. You’re the one I really want to keep and cherish. I’m… I’m really hoping we can try this again? I want to be your first, if you still want me…”

He sits up. “Yes! Yes I do. When it’s right.”
“When it’s right.” I put my hand on the table and Julian put his hand over mind. I told him I love him and he blushed again, before telling me he loves me too.

A week later, he was over for dinner-and-a-movie when a heavy storm knocked out the power. We had dessert and coffee in bed, surrounded by candles, and one thing lead to another… The next morning, the Earth was verdant from being washed clean and Julian woke up a man.

We’re still together. To this day, I still wrap an arm around him in bed. I’m not letting him run off on me again while I’m sleeping. I love when he spoons up against me and wiggles his butt into my crotch, accepting that he’s stuck and might as well get comfy before I wake up horny and come after his hot self.
Text is fictional. Source unknown.


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