Konstantin Kamynin
Newest member of THE 1,000 CLUB
Sometimes my friends ask me…how did I know I was gay? That’s a good question. I didn’t really know myself until I was 16. My aunt ran this taco restaurant in Palm Springs, and she got me a job bussing. Paid me under the table. One spring she kept talking about something called a Circuit Party. I thought it was some nerd, tech hang-out. You can’t imagine the shock I felt when I came into work one day, and every man looked like they walked out of an underwear shoot. And some had! My jaw about hit the floor.
My aunt wouldn’t let me leave because they were so busy, so I had to go through the entire night with my boner tucked under my waistband. There was one man though, this foreign guy… he noticed me. A lot. I swear to god, he was flirting with me. He tipped me huge amounts, flashed his buttcheeks at me. I’m sure he thought it was hilarious for him to rifle up some awe-struck teenager bussing glasses in a taco restaurant. I was sure at that time he never thought of me again.
But I thought of him. I got his name from one of the patrons, and of course I Googled him the second I got home. I Googled him a lot. I bought his calendar. I was in love with him for years, until I got my first boyfriend.
No one believes me when I tell them that the Adonis that is Konstantin Kamynin made me realize I was gay. But it’s true. I swear. You know how I know it’s true? I went to his book signing in Los Angeles when I was a freshman in college, and you’d never believe this – but when I told him where I’d seen him before, he remembered. He asked me what I did with the tip money. I told him I used it to buy his calendar, and he laughed. True story. It was a pretty good book too.
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Actually it’s not really a true story, lol. The text is fictional, and Konstantin’s body is unreal. I don’t think he ever put out a book either. Here’s his website.