Posts I guess

Style 1 – Bad Romance Novels

Aramis screamed like banshee as the dangerous dragonbeast lurched out of the forest toward him, acid dripping from his fangs. Just as the great mouth loomed above him, a sure arrow flew through the air, piercing it between the eyes. The dragonbeast roared and loomed up, exposing its soft belly. Another true arrow flew free and buried itself deep in the beasts heart. It lurched over, dead.

Aramis looked with quivering green eyes up at his strapping savior. He pressed up against a tree as if trying to draw strength from it He went weak at the knees when he saw his hero. It was Archer, having come to save him from the perils of this dangerous woods! Aramis felt his manparts in his codpiece tighten and rise like bread under a wet cloth. His strapping hero had a body of rippling sand dunes, with skin the color of birch, eyes like the deepest blue river. His bulge was huge, like a boulder. His gaze was pensive, inquisitive, and roamed over Aramis like was instead the prey and not the dead dragonbeast next to them, bleeding black blood into the plush moss of the forest floor.

“You came to rescue me, Archer!” Aramis cried, his words ringing like bells over the meadows. A wind stirred the big green leaves in the trees above, and a bird sang in the distance now that the danger was over.
”I could never let you be in danger,” Archer purred, his blood pulsing with possession.
The prince began to cry and threw himself at his savior. Archer set down his bow of elfswood he’d won from elves and scooped Aramis into his arms. The young man was trembling like a kitten that had narrowly avoided being picked up by a hawk. His bosom heaved with every sob, as if his pounding heart was trying to break free. Archer pushed away the tears and seized Aramis’s full, plush lips. Under him, Aramis went slack. Archer felt the young man press his soft hands against his muscular chest. Archer was his big tree now.

At once, Archer knew what he must do. His pheromones were raging, sending out signals to all the alpha animals in the forest. Archer paused to examine his love. Gentle blond curls spilled around around tear-streaked face like a waterfall. His fine clothes, tan breeches, and a silken shirt with jewels sewn into it, were dirty and torn. He wouldn’t need them. Archer took him to the stream where the water babbled over the rocks, like choir maidens singing, and laid down Aramis on a bed of leaves.
“My love, I must have you.”
“Oh Archer, take me! For I am yours!” Aramis begged, his bottom lip quivering. “I am wet and ready to take you!”
Archer again pushed away the tears from Aramis‘s green-glass eyes, letting them fall to the ground where they would nourish he dirt underneath. With fingers strong from a childhood of archery, Archer deftly undid the fine finery and set them aside.
Archer’s perfect lips formed the word “yes” at the sight of sweet Aramis bared naked for him. He was a beautiful boy, pale as the moon, curvy like a woman. His chest peaked in two buds, and there was hardly any hair leading down to the turgid pink cock jutting forward as if reaching out for someone to touch it. Drops of milk swirled down the shaft into the pale birdsnest of blond hair.

The Archer felt his heart hammer in his muscular chest, knowing that Aramis was the one he was destined to marry. It was his destiny to claim him and quell the throbbing in the full plums under his generous meatstick, thudding in his ears like the drum at a parade.
“Don’t you worry. I know you need a strong man, and once you feel my babyseed inside of you, you will know that you are mine.”

Text is fictional, and so terrible I can’t even finish it. This is Jeremy Renner from the TV show Archer. I apologize to him for this.


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