Posts I guess

The beach is supposed to be relaxing. No noises, no distractions. Nothing to do except swim and bask in the sun, which we were doing now after having gorged on a big lunch. We rested next to eachother, sharing my enormous towel, listening to the waves lap at the shore. Sometimes a gull would careen overhead, cawing. Perfect calm. There weren’t even that many children out here on a weekday.

I wasn’t relaxed. I couldn’t stop thinking about how close we were out here on this vast beach with plenty of room. A foot maybe. Less, possibly. I was thinking of the way my sister gave me a suspicious look when I told her I was going to the beach with David. “One of your guy dates huh?”
“What do you mean by that?” I said accusingly.
“You just spend a lot of time with him, that’s all.”
Yeah, that was true. Every time I wanted to go somewhere, David was the first person I called. Or he called me. We were bros. Perhaps not just bros… my time with David had helped me realize something about myself though. I wondered how many people “knew” and was waiting for me to find out about myself. I wondered if David knew or had guessed.

“Hey um. David?” I asked, my voice unsteady.
“Can I tell you something personal?”
David turned his head toward me. I could see his deep green eyes staring curiously at me through the brown-pink glass of his sunglasses lenses. “What’s up bro?”
The knot in my stomach was so tight I almost couldn’t find the courage to get the words out. “David I …I’m gay,” I said softly. “I wanted to tell you first.”
David’s jaw fell slack. He kind of stared at me, digesting this, as I held my breath. I could not handle rejection and felt rising anxiety as I waited to find out if I was going lose my best friend.
“You are?” he said after a moment. “You’re gay?”
“Yes,” I said firmly. “Girls never did it for me. I just had to sit and think about it for a while…it was um. Obvious.”
“Oh,” David said, turning his face up to the sun again. My heart began to ache, and I feared it was about to be broken. I never took my eyes off of him. I watched his chest rise and fall, his breathing a bit rapid.
Minutes passed.

“David?” I said, my voice barely a squeak. “Please say something.”
David exhaled slowly. “Sorry I just…needed to think. You’re gay. Ok that’s… that’s fine. It’s good.”
“That’s good?” I repeated, unsure if there was sand in my ears or something.
“Yeah,” he said with that casual little smile of his. “That’s very good.”

“Ok,” I said, dizzy with relief. “Good.”

A moment later, I felt David’s hand bump against mine. I wasn’t sure was he was doing until he worked his fingers between mine and squeezed. I squeezed back, letting him tether me. I felt like a huge weight had lifted off of me. Without his grip, I might have just floated away.

Text is fictional. Apparently today is Coming Out Day or something, so I wanted to do something appropriate.


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