Posts I guess

“So go up to Broadway Street and turn left?”
“Right,” Morgan chirps. “Yeah I live in this residential neighborhood here a couple miles east.”
“Oh I know that area,” I say, “It’s kind of where the sorority houses are for the university.”
“Yeah! I’m living in an apartment for my senior year, but we’re gonna drive right past my party house. I’m part of Delta Phi Epsilon. Well, the Delta Delta chapter anyway. Delta deltaaa woo!” he emphasizes this with a dainty fist punch.
“Wow, you are enthusastic,” I note.
“They’re an awe~~some house.”
I chuckle. I drive for a ride-sharing app and have meant some eccentric people. I try not to pass judgements on first impressions, but it’s already obvious that Morgan is queer as can stereotypically be – the tone of his voice, his body movements, his skinny jeans and tight shirt and …I think he’s wearing a bit make up. He’s wearing sandals where his toes stick out, too. Then, something dawns on me. “Wait a second, Morgan, I know someone who went to Delta Delta. That’s a sorority isn’t it? Not a fraternity?”

“Hey! You know your sororities. Oh my gawd, that’s so hot. Yeah it is a sorority, those girls are my besties.”
I lift an eyebrow but hold off on responding until I can change lanes and get out from behind this bus. “I thought boys weren’t allowed in sororities?”
“Yeah but I was staying with them. Special permission for this twinkie, honey. It works out better than staying with frat boys and the girls love me. We share make up tips, go shopping together, bake cupcakes, form study groups, do charity events together – it’s sooo much fun.”
“How…I mean just…how? How did they let you do that?” I’m so confused.

“Well I met Brittany in ethics class. I needed crash space baaad since my roomie at the time was a fag hating roid douche, and she suggested I sleep on the sofa of their sorority house until I could rehome. I ended up teaching the girls how to make cheesecake. Never left.“
I signal to make the aforementioned left. “It’s not a problem that you’re a guy? Even though you’re…gay? Aren’t you?”
“Um, duh. If you can’t tell I am doing something wrong.”
“No no,” I say quickly, “I can definitely tell. I mean, I’m gay too and the radar is off the charts.”
He laughs and gives me a high five. “Hell yeah for gays boy!”
I high five him back.
Morgan continues. “And to answer your question honey – sororities are for girls, but being a girl isn’t about gender anymore. You can have a really cute penis, be biologically male, and still be a girl.”
“I …don’t get it.”
“Being a ‘girl’ is an identity. It means you like things pink, you like to be fancy, you’re into fashion, and fawning over cute boys. It means you can express your emotions. Guys don’t do that. I can be silly and flirty one day, vulnerable and passive the next, and fierce and bitchy one day later. It’s like … ummmm if you’ve twinked out too much and so God gave you an upgrade option?”

This time I almost crash the car. “What, seriously?”
“Yeah that’s exactly what it’s like! I mean, my sorority girls get it. They get me in ways you could never imagine. We’re not that different. We both got pussies, you know, and we both know how to use em. I mean – my chapter’s official logo is a unicorn for fuck’s sake. It’s the gayest sorority ever.”
“Uh. Wow.”
Morgan checks his cell phone and types a rapid response back to whatever message he received. “Omg Rachel got her nips pierced. Damn, I thought she was just bluffing when she was drunk. God, wine coolers are evil.”
“Wine coolers are disgusting,” I add.
“But cheap! I’m a brand whore, I only drink expensive vodka and it really adds up ugh. Girls gotta have her drinky drinks though.”
I struggle on what to say. “So it’s about…socializing?”
“In sorority houses yeah. Technically you’re not supposed to be drinking or have boys over, so that’s why I moved out for my senior year. The first years are about bonding and making friends, having someone to talk to about life, about careers, and sales at Macy’s. We do a lot of charity work with women of domestic violence, too.”
“That sounds…admirable.”
“Thanks hon. It was soo hard. As much as it made me grow up, it was depressing. Made me stronger. I kinda miss helping, but I don’t have to do charity work anymore since I’m about to graduate. Gonna go to New York City to intern at a studio that crafts ballet slippers.”
I glance over at Morgan. “Congratulations. That sounds…interesting.”
“My major is fashion and arts, with a focus on dancewear. I like the pink, what can I say?”
“Um, sorry to interrupt, but am I turning any time soon?”
“Yeah actually, turn at the light. Oh shit it’s this light. God, I got distracted. Tuuurn and there we go. Down to the stop sign, make a right.”
I nod, and Morgan gets another text message. “Oh it’s Jennifer. Wanna know something funny? Jennifer and I share a boyfriend. He likes doing through the backdoor, she hates anal; he loves tits and I am flat as a board. We are all too busy for dating, so we share him. Works out beautifully. I get to ride dick, and I pass my classes.”

For once, Morgan has rendered me speechless.
“Oh there’s my apartment building! Fuck yeah duplexessss. Thank you, you’ve been a great driver.” He pulls a contact info card out of nowhere and offers it to me. “I like the gay boys, so if you ever want to tap this, call me ok?”
I take the card. “Um – uh – wow, um, ook then. Thanks, um, Morgan. Been nice talking to you. You’re really, interesting. I like your confidence.”
Morgans beams. “Thank you, dear. I’ll give you a big tip through the app.” He winks and gets out of my car. I watch his cute butt wrapped in denim as he sashays up to the apartment door and lets himself in. For a moment, I just sit there at the curb, wondering what just happen.

Then I glance over, and notice the glitter he left in my passenger seat – gay debris left by Hurricane Morgan. Despite the fact I fucked my boyfriend last night, compared to Morgan, I feel nearly straight.

Text is fictional. Source is too hard to track down. I know nothing about sororities so sorry if I screwed something up. Also that sorority’s official mascot really is a unicorn.


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