“Sweetheat, don’t eat sand. Jemmy – Jemmy, don’t feed your brother sand. Don’t put sand in his pants! What? I suppose if you buried him in sand he’d get sand in there, so don’t bury him in sand. Please play nicely. Make some castles with moats.” Keagen exhales and we exchange a look.
I smile. “They keep trying to kill themselves.”
Keagen snorts. “They do. Hard to relax.”
“I’m watching them too, love. You do need to relax. Do what I’m doing.”
“And what is that?”
“Staring at something nice to look at it.”
Keagen realizes what I mean and smirks. “I’m still the hot stud at the beach?”
“Hot as hell, baby.”
“Well, that’s a relief. It’s hard to find time to eat and work out with these two. I’m worried about my body. Honestly I almost didn’t wear this Speedo out here. Maybe it’s not a ‘dad’ thing to do.”
I raise an eyebrow. “A ‘dad’ thing to do is to make sure their children have a safe day at the beach. Doesn’t matter what you wear. You still look great. That woman who walked past just oggled you.”
“Did she?” Keagen looked over his shoulder. “She’s got a nice butt, but yours is nicer.”
“Well that is nice of you to say.”
“It’s true. I stare at it when you pick up the kids. Makes your glutes bulge.” Keagen smirks and holds his hands up to make a ‘grabby’ gesture.
I put a hand over my chest in a gesture of faux-drama. “I was not aware I was being voyeur’ed upon.”
“Oh I voyeur plenty.” Keagen replies.
I flush and glance at the kids. “Jemmy don’t eat the algae! Take that shell out of your brother’s mouth please. If Beaudry’s hungry we have snacks up here.”
Keagen glances over at them. “Won’t eat their veggies, but eats algae. Such health conscience children.”
I chuckle. “We should be so grateful. “ Jemmy starts chatting at me again. “What do you want again, Jemmy? Sparkling water? What flavor? Ok, we have orange. You want one Keagen?”
“Sure, babe.”
I lean forward in the beach chair and open the cooler I’d been using as a footrest. I toss one to Keagen and open one for the kids, pouring them into tsippy cups. “Man, we are textbook urbans gays aren’t we, our kids are eating algae and drinking sparkling water.”
Keagen chuckles. “We’re a trope. Isn’t it also a trope that gay men are constantly horny?”
“It definitely is. One sec.” I get up and walk over to our kids to give them their drink, make sure no one is eating sand, and go back to our chair.
“You know Keagen.”
“Hm?”
I lower my voice. “After we go home, our kids are going to go down for a nap. We’re gonna have to take our clothes off to shower…”
Keagen gets a smirk on his face. “Your ass is so mine.”
I bite my lip. “Promise you’ll dust the sand off first? I don’t want any abrasions.”
Keagen starts singing Taylor Swift’s “Shake it off”.
That makes me smile.
“Ok we’re basically every gay trope aren’t we?” Keagen realizes.
I sigh an exaggerated sigh. “I’m afraid so.”
“I don’t think we can fight it,” Keagen says.
“I”m afraid not.”
“I do think our children are eating things again.”
I’m already on my feet. “Honey, stop putting that in your mouth. You’re a mermaid? Mermaids don’t eat algae and sea shells. They eat fish. Whole. Skin and all. You want me to find you a fish?” I look at Keagen for help.
Keagen holds up his hands. “This one’s on you, Dad. Call me when you need your butt dusted. I’m gonna take a brief nap.”
“Good. Get that energy up for later.”
I leave Keagen to his nap and go hang out with the kids. I don’t mind. I’m glad I got Keagen to finally relax. He’s so over-tired he doesn’t even realize it anymore. This beach trip was for him to relax as much as it was for us as a family. And to my delight, it seems to have worked. Looks like I’m going to be rewarded later for my efforts too. I got this dad thing on lock-down.
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Captions are fictional.