He came over for a little math tutoring, but I knew he was a lost cause the second he walked in the door.
“Hey bro, I was thinkin, it might help me think smarter if I put these on.” He held up a jockstrap with numbers embroidered on the wastband. Where did he get such a thing?
“Do you now?” I ask, arms folded.
“Yeah, anything to help ya know. My mind works best when I’m thinking about sex.”
“Does it now?”
“Uh huh. I figured we’d get along fine if were on the same page, so I got you one too.”
“Did you now?”
“Yeah I did,” he says, lifting the other one and grinning.
“Well,” I say, taking it from him. “That was thoughtful of you. I definitely think this will help teach you math. For our first lesson, I’m going to teach you how 1/1 cancels itself out when divided.”
“Golly, that sounds difficult.”
“It isn’t really…all you gotta do is lie there, and listen, while I teach.”
“I can handle that!”
“I know you can. Now put that jock-strap on so we can get started. I’m billing by the hour here.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve been saving up. My education is very important to me.”

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Text is fictional. Source, I think. Lotta butts there.