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sodomymcscurvylegs:

unfriendlygayguy:

Me and the boys summoning a top

This is correct cause tops are demons

“Ok, so it says once our knees are over the circles on the floor, we have to join hands and say the chant with you repeating after me.” Joey starts.
“Will this really work?” John asks.
“It better,” Chris interjects. “I’m so fucking horny.”
“Can we summon a top with four dicks?” John. “He can fuck us all at once.”
Joey looks at the book. “That seems too advanced.”

Michael snorts. “His dicks would have to be so long to fuck us all at once.”
”Ew….” John says.
“Look, one dick is fine as long as he can USE it,” Chris says.
“Is the demon going to be white?” Michael asks.

“What?” Chris asks.
“I mean, we’re all white. Is the demon gonna be white? It’d be hot if he were black…”
”Uh, is that an option?” another says.
Chris. “I don’t care what color that dick is. Dick is dick.”
Joey flips through the book. “Look, we’re still new at this. Let’s make sure we can SUMMON a top first before try like, customizing it.”
John sighs. “Joey is right.”

Joey clears his throat. “Alright, let’s join hands.” Joey sets the book on his knee. After they join hands, Joey reads the Latin and his friends repeat after him. When the chant ends, the flames go out.
Several boys gasp. Everyone is frozen still, looking at each other, waiting to see what happens.

“Now…what?” Chris whispers.
John clears his throat. “I was sort of expecting him to like, come out of the floor…”
“That’s silly,” Michael says.
“So what were you expecting?”
“Well I –”

John is cut off by the sound of a knock at the door.

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Captions are fictional.

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD EXPLAIN HOW THE RIP DEAREST NOBLEY PIC SHARED BY HIS BOYFRIEND IS POIGNANT THANKS

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD EXPLAIN HOW THE RIP DEAREST NOBLEY PIC SHARED BY HIS BOYFRIEND IS POIGNANT THANKS

HI MIKE. I AM NOT SURE WHY WE ARE YELLING BUT PERHAPS YOUR CAPSLOCK KEY IS STUCK. YOU HAVE MY SYMPATHIES. I CAN GET ON YOUR LEVEL THOUGH.
MERRIAM-WEBSTER DEFINES ‘POIGNANT’ AS EITHER “painfully affecting the feelings” OR “deeply affecting” AS A SYNONYM FOR ‘touching’. THE PHOTO NOBLEY’S BF POSTED SHOWS NOBLEY WALKING AWAY, DOWN A TUNNEL, WHICH LEAVES AN UNMISTAKABLE IMPRESSION OF HIM GOING SOMEWHERE. IN WESTERN CULTURE, WE SOMETIMES USE THE METAPHOR OF A TUNNEL WHEN THINKING OF SOMEONE ‘CROSSING OVER’ TO THE OTHER SIDE’. THUS, WITH NOBLEY HAVING PASSED ON, AND HIS BOYFRIEND STILL ‘HERE’, THE IMAGE CAN BE INTERPRETED AS NOBLEY LEAVING AND THE PHOTOGRAPHER -WHICH WE ASSUME TO BE HIS BOYFRIEND- STAYING ‘BEHIND’. THIS IS HOW I INTERPRETED IT.
THE WORD ‘POIGNANT’ MATCHES MY EMOTION. I THOUGHT IT WAS A MORE DESCRIPTIVE WORD THAN ‘SAD’ BECAUSE IT EVOKES A DEEPER EMOTION OF PAIN. YOU CAN INTERPRET IT IN OTHER WAYS. NO ONE HAS CORRECTED ME THUS FAR.

I HOPE WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING. THANK YOU FOR READING. CHEERIO.

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“Yes. Yes, I’m available those days. Yes, I am hot enough for your fashion shoot. I am fucking perfect, matter of fact. I will look smoldering on paper. Uh huh. That’s a great rate. Anything else you want to know about me? What’s that? Well, my boyfriend locked my cock up for a bit cause I got handsy with another male model. Do I need the key? What’s that? I don’t need to be unlocked? Darn. Well, he’ll be happy to hear that. Yes, I understand it’s good to be obedient. You can expect that from me on set. Good. I’ll look forward to details from you forthcoming.”

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Text is fictional.

Tips on baking a cake? Because I can’t follow simple instructions on a cardboard box T.T

Tips on baking a cake? Because I can’t follow simple instructions on a cardboard box T.T

bookofbaitnate-deactivated20181:

Don’t smoke Marijuana while baking a cake. My roommate and her BFF were baking a cake for her husband’s birthday, and they decided to toke up before getting down to the baking. They ended up getting the munchies pretty bad and ate all the batter before it could reach the oven. >.<

LUCKILY, I bought him a $65 bottle of Jack Daniel’s and last minute said it was from the two of us. And then we ordered pizza. 😛

So yeah, don’t do drugs while baking, unless you want to buy alcohol for the person you’re baking for. And order a pizza. Problem solved!

Rick snapped his fingers and summoned his houseboy to the kitchen. His houseboy came bouncing in immediately. “Yes, Richard, what may I do for you?”
“I invited a couple friends for dinner. I want you to make this before you get started on dinner.” Rick pointed to a plastic bag on the counter.
The houseboy fished in it and picked up a box of cake mix. He scoffed, rolling his eyes back into his skull. “You expect me to make cake from a box? Do I look like Betty Crocker to you sweetheart?” He tossed it onto the counter. “Well, the sprinkles are the only redeemable thing in this bag. Honey there is a reason I do the shopping.”
Rick stared at him, speechless at his houseboy’s catty attitude.
“No no…” the houseboy threw open the pantry door. “We need flour, and vanilla, and salt. Baking powder. Oil. Where is the bag of cane sugar? There it is. Oooo and there is the cocoa powder too. Chocolate cake is the best.”
The houseboy organized the items on the counter and went to the fridge. “Oh good we have eggs. You know you don’t really need eggs, but they’re an easy binder, so whatever.”

The houseboy straightened up and caught Rick staring at his bare ass. “Are you going to help me with this or just gawk at my butt?”
“I think I’m going to fuck you against the counter wearing an apron, then I’m going to leave you to your kitchen sorcery. Are you sure it’s not easier to just make it from a box?”
The houseboy huffed. “Don’t insult me. Only an amateur makes dinner from scratch and dessert from a box. The only thing you should ever use from a box in the kitchen is condoms.” He smirked.
Rick grinned. “Yes, I agree with that for sure.”
“You want coconut in this cake?”
“I don’t care, just bend over, I want your ass right goddamn now. I love it when you’re bitchy.”

His houseboy smiled and bent over the counter. “This is step 1 to baking, you know.”
“Good, I’m learning something,” Rick muttered, searching for a condom in the junk drawer and happily finding several. They went through them all by the time they got to frosting the damn thing.

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Moral of the story: Have your houseboy or boyfriend bake it. That said, making cake is pretty easy though: mix the dry goods, mix in the wet goods, mix it all, then pop it into the oven. Pre-heat the oven before starting. Stick a toothpick in it when done; a clean one will tell you the inside is cooked.

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cute-overload:

Got in a fight with the neighbor’s dog. Nothing serious but he likes the attention!

I was doing various Tumblr searches involving ‘boys fighting’ and this adorable thing came up. It’s technically cock, so I’m reblogging it. PSA time – keep your cocks out of the when having fights with pups. You don’t want them to get injured now, cause then your mom has to towel it and scold you for letting it get out.

God, this rooster is adorable. It looks so smug.