Just the morning break I needed boy. Thanks for coming upstairs. You can go back to the mail room now. 
“Always- happy- to- deliver- my package- to you. Wait, no. I mean – nnghgghh oh my god, feels so good. A package. To you. Not my. Or something. Oh, fuck it’s so deep, it feels like your dick is ten inches long! Keep it up I’m gonna cum!”
Mickey pulls his sunglasses down to get an unfiltered view. The wind’s blown a magazine off the table and John’s trying to squat down to pick it up, but he’s struggling to reach the magazine because his beefy thighs and thick calves are expanding and bulging the lower he goes. What a beautiful spectacle of male beauty. John’s Speedo is struggling to contain the density of his cakes and the sag of his balls. “Good lord,” Mickey mutters under his breath. He has no doubt that John’s solid belly is also getting in the way in the front. John grunts in frustration. Using a chair for assistance, he stands back up and considers the magazine. It’s pages are being mussed by the wind. John bends over his time instead of squatting, and Mickey has not closed his mouth in minutes. John still can’t reach the patio – so he spreads his feet so his legs are making an A shape, and with considerable groaning, John pinches some pages moving in the breeze and pulls up the magazine. He shuffles back upright and tosses the magazine on the table, and sets his phone down on it with an indignant thud.
Mickey applauds. John turns around. “You enjoy watching that?” “Very much. You should have charged for tickets.” John flips him off. Mickey laughs. “Hey Daddy can you grab me a sparkling vodka thing please?” “Sure thing, babe. I want a Diet Coke anyway.” He disappears back into the house.
Mickey splashes some water on himself from the pool and fans himself with his hand. He now has a full understanding for why it feels like he’s being fucked by a train when they’re in bed together. Getting John’s number instead of writing him off as a one-night stand was a “no duh” moment. Mickey hoped John gave him one of those power fucks before he left today. God, did he love feeling tender and drained from it afterward.
Tommy checked his neck. No hickey evident. Or at least, it wouldn’t show up for a while. He washed his mouth out in the sink and splashed water over his face. He had go take another client named Mr. Montoya in an hour, and then after that he had his weekly fuck with the Luke the Lacrosse Jock who was a year above in college. Since Tommy was driving, he decided he could get away with not changing before he went over to Mr. Montoya’s house – not like he had the time to change anyway, and he had a feeling the torn jeans would get Mr. Montoya excited. He liked the narrative of Tommy being a horny university co-ed flitting around the neighborhood and college campus with the energy of a hummingbird seeking a different kind of nectar.
Tommy dried his face. He liked these jeans, but had a feeling they couldn’t be saved. Maybe Luke had an extra pair. They were almost the same height, and Luke had been getting bulked up lately and his thighs were getting solid. No way denim could contain those tree trunks. Tommy decided not to stress about his pants. The pocket was still intact, and it held the cash he earned just the same. He applied some moisturizer he found on the counter to his face and left the bathroom.
Mr. Royce met him in the hallway. “Cleaned up?” “Yes sir.” “Sorry again against your jeans. Little embarrassed about that. You turn me into an animal. Which at my age, is not that frequent.” Tommy grinned. “I enjoy your enthusiasm. Makes me feel sexy.” Mr. Royce cupped Tommy’s exposed buttcheck. “You are sexy. It’s so effortless though, it drives me crazy how you don’t have to try.” “Oh I definitely try in bed though. You get out what you put in, in my opinion. What’s the law – for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction?” Mr. Royce laughed. “Well that’s not the normal way my students retain and apply the knowledge I give them, but hey, you’re retaining it. So I’m pleased to hear that.”
Tommy beamed under the praise. “Well how could I not pay attention? My physics teacher is a stud who has a great cock. But with all that talk of mass and thrust and friction, I think you’re just unaware how horny physics is.” Mr. Royce laughed harder “God you’re too much. You’re making my stomach hurt.” “Sorry, sorry. Just really absorbing my lessons you know?” Tommy said. “You’re absorbing something, that’s for sure.” “For sure. I’ll get going though, stop driving you nuts. I’ll see you in class on Tuesday?” “Sure thing. There’s gonna be a pop quiz by the way, but I think you’ve studied enough.” Tommy shook his butt a little. “I’ll put this in a chair and hit the books anyway. Teacher would be so disappointed in me if I failed his class.” “You didn’t agree to sleep with me just to pass?” Tommy scoffed. “No. I want to pass on my own merit. I want to be a modern twink – dumb face, big ass, smart brain.”
Mr. Royce covered his face with his hand as his chest heaved with amusement. “Oh god, I can’t stop laughing. You have to go, my eyes are watering. Go on, I want to see walk to your car with your pants torn like that. Go on you trouble maker, go.”
Tommy put his bag on his shoulder and giggled as he was playfully pushed out the door. “Alright, alright. Bye Mr. Royce! See you Tuesday! Thanks for the tutoring!”
__________________________ Captions are fictional.
Are you working from home today? Konrad texted Elias. I am. What’s up? Can I come over during your lunch break? Sure. Bring some Vietnamese food, I’ll pay you back. Elias texted back Konrad agreed.
He came over, knocked. “Come in!” Elias called. Konrad did and set the food on the side table. “Hey Elias.” Elias came out of his office. “Hey there.” “Heeey. I’m glad you’re free today.” “Always nice to see you.” They exchanged a kiss, but it wasn’t a peck. Konrad pushed to deepen it. “Woah,” Elias breathed. “I guess you are happy to see me. Do you need more than lunch sweetheart?” Konrad nodded sheepishly and plucked at Elias’s shirt. “Come here.” They exchanged a deeper kiss. Elias pushed his hand up Konrad’s shirt. Konrad’s hand drifted south to cup Elias between the legs. Konrad began to feel warm. “Ok, ok sweetheart. Let’s not do this by the door. Come to my bedroom, I’ll take care of you.” “I’m so horny,” Konrad whimpered. Elias chuffed at the pitiful tone in his voice. “I’ll fix that.” Elias had a feeling this was going to a long lunch – but a welcome distraction from spreadsheets.
“Good morning people of Italy! Hello, yes. I got laid last night! Yes, I did. You ma’am, you should get laid tonight. I highly recommend it. You too Sir!”
Giacomo walks into the bedroom. “Dio mio, George, what are you doing?” “Talking to the locals.” “These are my neighbors, you silly lad.” George grins. “They need to know you’re a stud.” Giacomo blushes. “They don’t need to know that. Especially Mrs. Russo.” “But you are so good in bed and we don’t have a town crier, so what am I supposed to do?” Giacomo pulls George close and reaches back to cup his buttcheeks in each hand. “I’ll have to fuck you until you scream raw or I can gag you.” George gasps. “Is both an option?” “It is. Tell me, how long is your tourist visa again?” “30 days, but my flight leaves in four days.” Giacomo thinks. “Extend it. I’ll take you to the country. We can fuck in a very lovely field and my mum will make you fat.” George smiles. “Will there be locals I can brag to?” “Well some, but every time you open your mouth, my mum will put food in it, so I think we’re safe.” “I think I like this idea. Consume calories, burn calories.” George chews on his lip. “You’re ok being attached to a bumbling, horny, American tourist for the next week?” “If by attached, you mean because my cock is in you? Yes. And I like having you around. You’re entertaining. You comment on everything with wonder…even sometimes when you’re not supposed to. Where are you from again?” George makes a face. “Flower Mound, Texas.” “What is a mound?” Giacamo tilts his head. “A very small hill.” “What a strange name for a town. Do flowers not grow anywhere else?” ”Oh they do.” “How strange. Is it an ok place to live?” George thinks. “It’s safe, middle class, and boring. And there aren’t hot Italian men there who seduce me at discos and lure me into their rooms with bread and wine.” “Sounds like a sad place for a mound,” Giacomo says. He kisses George on the lips. “I need to inform you that you need a bath, young man. Come, I have the best soap to lather you up in.” “mmnnmmnn. Can we eat bread and drink wine after?” “Yes we can. With cheese, of course.” “God I love Italy.” “I do my best to represent my nation.” George pecks Giacomo on the lips again. “I feel very welcomed.”
“So…are you in the mood?” “The mood?” Rocky repeated. He rubbed the back of his hair and climbed onto the bed. “I mean, we’re in a motel room…” “Yeah, but you seem nervous. You still want to go through with it?” “Well,” Rocky stammered. “Just like. Um. Well. Are you in the mood? Like do you still want to do it with me? Cause like if you don’t I-” “Get on the bed and lie on your back.” Rocky raised an eyebrow. “O…kay..” he kicked off his shoes and got on the bed, propping his head up so he could see
Matías standing at the foot of the bed. “Now what?” “Ask me that question again.” “Which one?”
Matías tried to suppress his smile. “If I still want to do it with you.” Rocky swallowed. He messed with the hem of the bedspread where it was folded over. “Do you still want to do it with me?”
Matías began to undo his shirt. “What are you doing?” Rocky asked. He didn’t mean to sound so panicked.
Matías didn’t say anything, he just smiled, and continued undressing. He paused with his hands on his waistband, making sure their eyes were locked. Rocky’s eyes were wide and he hadn’t blinked in nearly a minute. Just seeing his bare stomach gave him such an intense feeling of desire. He wanted to touch Matías, caress him, trace that faint trail of hair south… Rocky’s mouth felt dry.
Matías pushed his pants down and stepped out of his clothes. “Oh my god.” Rocky barely got the words out of his throat and nearly choked on them. He put his fist to his mouth and chewed on his thumbnail. “Jesus Christ. You’re – you’re naked.” He made a gesture with his other hand. “There is a naked man just -, well, you are very naked-” “Does this answer your question?” Rocky nodded rapidly. “Do you still want to do it with me?” “Yeah,” he squeaked. “Good. Cause I bought all this stuff to try on you…” he climbed onto the bed between Rocky’s legs.
Rocky’s gaze rose from
Matías’s cock to his gaze. “Stuff?” he said in one octave higher than before. “Yes. Cause I knew you needed special, delicate handling to make it feel good for you.”
Matías finally saw Rocky blink. “But first we need to get these pants off. Can I take your pants off?” “Yeah, that’s gine, I mean that’s good, it’s fine. It’s fine.”
Matías chuckled. “First task is getting you to relax.” “Then the second?”
Matías smirked and his eyes caught the light of the bedside lamp, giving the impression there was a spark in there. “Stimulation.” Rocky swallowed hard. “Jesus Christ.” He crossed himself.
Matías chuckled. “Are you inviting a third man to join us?” Rocky’s eyes went wide again. “Maybe – maybe um, I shouldn’t – be doing this.” “Who cares if you should or shouldn’t? Do you want to?”
Matías undid Rocky’s zipper and parted back the fabric to reveal a straining bulge underneath. Rocky didn’t answer, but his chest was moving faster now.
Matías smirked again. “Good.” And he lowered his mouth.
______________ Captions are fictional. I’ve never heard of this TV show, no idea who these people are.
Tommy Defendi and Marc Dylan 2am Booty Call (2012)
Assad could not sleep. The air conditioner wasn’t running right, and the heat of the day lingered around the house. It was just warm enough to be uncomfortable. Assad sat in front of the TV eating a bowl of cereal in his underwear. He watched the couple in the cafe in the commercial and felt jealous. Another commercial came on for a fitness apparatus. The dude was ripped. Assad’s spoon hovered over the bowl. Watching him work out triggered the butterflies in his stomach. Goddamn, he wished Mr. Buff would just walk in and dominate him. Look at the sweat drip down his pecs! Assad set his spoon down in his bowl when the lightbulb went off. Holy shit, I need to get laid.
He picked up his phone. It was long after midnight. Too late to call or text anyone, as they’d think it was an emergency. Dick emergencies were not exactly life threatening, although sometimes it really did feel that way. Assad stared at his phone screen, and after a moment, opened Grindr with a sigh. He tried to avoid apps, they were overwhelming and the infinite beefcake parade made him feel inferior. Maybe the hour would work to his advantage.
Assad set his parameters for guys and a couple results came up. He found two who listed they were tops and cool with a hook up, and messaged them. “Are you awake? I”m having a dick emergency.” A few seconds passed. Nothing. Assad sighed. He muted the TV, got up, and took his bowl to the kitchen. He had turned the water on to wash the bowl when he heard a familiar ding. He shut off the water. Did he hallucinate that?
Assad ran over to his phone. He had not! One guy, Matt, had replied. “I am awake. What’s a dick emergency? I checked outside, didn’t see a Penis shaped Bat Signal.” Assad chuckled to himself. “I can’t sleep. I feel like I’m going up the walls. I need to get laid, badly, or I’m going to be up until dawn.” “You just got horny suddenly? What are you doing?” The other guy wrote back. “There was a hot guy working out on a commercial on TV. I got like half a boner and then it clicked.” “Oh oh, was it the really ripped dude in that Flexinator commercial?” “Holy shit, YES ahahah. You know what I mean then.” “DUDE haha. I totally know. He’s so intense. All that grunting. Fyeww.” Matt wrote back with like three water droplet emojis. He added. “I don’t entirely look like that you know.” “Honestly I think I’d be terrified to get fucked by a guy like that. I like how you look as is. You got a penis?” “Hmm, just checked, yep.” “Great, you’re qualified. I just showered an hour ago, I got everything, lubes, condoms…please tell me you’ll come over to some total strangers house to fuck his desperate ass in the middle of the night.” There was a pause as Matt typed out a response. Assad held his breath. “Sweetheart, I’d be honored. I feel called to the battlefield. Just um, I’m fricking starving, is there any place open near you?” Assad ran to the kitchen, pulled sandwich ingredients out of the fridge, and sent Matt a collage of them on the counter. “You want roast beef or turkey?” “Daaamn! Fuck, I’ve never had a hook up make me a sandwich. Send me your address, I’m on my way. Roast beef for real, though. You got any BBQ sauce?”
Assad made a happy noise at Matt’s eagerness.
“Oh thank god,” he muttered. He sent his address to Matt, and set to making a sandwich. The man arrived fifteen minutes later. Assad was in his underwear. Matt was in a tight black shirt and black pants from the venue he worked at. When he saw the dinner on the table, complete with chips, grapes, and a drink, he cupped Assad’s face and kissed him right on the lips. “I am definitely going to take care of you. Anything you need, baby. I got you. Don’t you worry. This is amazing.” They chatted. They flirted. Assad stole some grapes. It was 2 in the morning when they brushed off the crumbs and put the plate in the sink. They looked at each other. “Bedroom?” Matt asked with a stretch. Assad made a sweeping gesture. “This way to the Bat Cave.” Matt clutched his heart. “Oh Bruce Wayne, I never thought the day would come! It’s so hard to know your emotions under that mask, but I always dreamed this would be real.” Assad led Matt into his room . “If you’re Robin, and you’re a top, are you implying Robin is the top here?” Matt wiggled his eyebrows. “Dun dun dun. Turns that little twink is a freak in the Bat Bedroom. Takes some shit out of Batman’s utility belt and like, gets down to business. Ever been tied to the bed with a grappling hook? Bruce definitely has.” Assad was still laughing from that when Matt moved in to kiss him and he had to remember how to close his mouth. ___________________ Captions are fictional.
Calipher wipes his sword on a piece of shirt long torn off from another victim of his weapon. “I really need to wash this…” He tucks it away into a pocket and sheaths his sword. He steps over the reeking body of the bandit, striding forward half a dozen steps until he’s in front of Edward. “Well, here we are. Me, saving your arse, and you needing to he rescued.” “Sorry,” Edward says with a restricted shrug. Only because of the gag, it comes out as “thorry”. Calipher sighs. “I am have half a mind to tie you to the pack horse like a war captive so I won’t lose you.” “It may help. Can you untie me please?” “Hmm. No.” Edward’s chin jerks up. “No?” “Actually, I’m going to untie your legs.” “Why my regs?” he asks. “You were supposed to fuck me this morning. Did you forget that? You said you were going for a walk to ‘check the perimeter’ of our camp last night and got yourself kidnapped. Took all night and half this morning to bloody find you cause I can’t track worth shit. I haven’t slept cause I was worried about you and now I’m cranky and horny.” Edward looks at the ground. “Thorry.” “Next time you decide to try and raid a bandit’s campsite, make sure he’s not nearby first ok Edward?” He nods sheepishly. “You stupid, pitiful, handsome man. You must exasperate your mother.” Calipher bends over and removes the gag around his mouth. “Oh thank god, thank you.” Edward works his jaw. “She often said that when I was a young lad.” The knight uses his sleeve to dry his companion’s chin and offers him a sip of wine. “Oh, yes wine. Praise the gods. Thank you.” “Mhm.” Calipher tosses the wine bladder aside once he’s had a drink. He drops to his knees and begins to untie Edward’s legs. “How am I going to fuck you tied to a tree?” Edward asks. Calipher pulls off his shoes. “With your dick.” “Well, well yes but-” He removes the metal greaves from the man’s shins and toss them to the side. “Hey careful with those, don’t dent them.” “That’s their whole purpose.” Edward doesn’t know what to say to that. The knight has undone the utility belt and leather faulds protecting Edward’s hips and he lets them drop. With a grunt of impatience, Calipher unbuttons his pants. “Lift your arse.” Edward digs his heels into his leaf litter and lifts his ass. Calipher pulls them clean off. “Ah it’s chilly out here” Edward remarks. “Don’t shrink up now.” “I can’t help it!” “I have to do everything, really.” Calipher tosses his gloves to the ground. He scoots forward and takes Edward into his hand and pulls on his shaft. It’s soft and stubby, trying to hide, but still warm. “Oh this is much better than being tortured by a bandit.” “Mhmm. There we go, getting nicely stiff. Look at you grow, god you always surprise me how you nearly double in size.” "You are really good at that,” Edward hisses. “Nice and hard for me now… yeah like that. God you are beautiful all tied up and erect. See, this is sort of how I expected to find you. I hoped I’d find the bandit on the verge of deflowering you and I’d get to have a very dramatic entrance.” “Sorry to disappoint you.” Calipher smiles. “Try harder next time.” Edward sticks his tongue out. “Hey hey put your hand back – why did you stop?” Calipher stands up and begins to remove his clothes below the waist. He removes his scabbard from his hip and arrows from his back. When Calipher pulls the waistband down, his cockhead catches on the edge of it, then springs up and makes an audible sound as it smacks against his pelvis. Edward gulps. He instinctively tries to reach for it but the ropes hold him fast to the tree. He whines in frustration. “Curse you seven times!” “Says the man tied to a tree,” Calipher teases. Edward whines. “Eight times!” “That will take you a while. Which pouch has the oil in it?” “Oh? The left one.” Calipher digs it out. It’s firm in the cooler temperatures, so he scoops some out and rubs it between this palms to soften it. He lubricates Edward’s cock, working it up and down his shaft. Edward lifts his hips against Calipher’s touches. He sighs. “Bless the gods.” Calipher decides its enough and wipes his hand on Edward’s pants. Edward doesn’t even notice. He’s fixated on Edward standing up and his cock bouncing right at eye level. He darts out his tongue. “You want that huh?” “It’s beading at the tip.” “Lick it off.” Edward parts his lips and flicks out his tongue to clean it. Calipher pushes inside of his mouth. “Oh wow.” Edward sucks on the head of it while Calipher rocks against his tongue for a little while. Edward can feel his cock reaching rock hard firmness and it’s making him feel warm and uncomfortable. His own muscles are sore from being in a fixed position tied to this tree and his butt is going numb, but having his nose buried in Calipher’s wild public hair is a fine distraction. “H-hey keep your tongue out of the slit or I’m going to cum.” Calipher runs his fingers through Edward’s hair. After a horridly short time, Calipher adds: “Ok I have to stop or I’m going to cum.” He withdraws his cock and Edward complains again. “Allow me to finish you at least?” He begs. Calipher smirks. “You may have that.” He drops to his knees, straddling Edward’s lap, pausing only to position Edward’s cock into place before slowly lowering himself down. At the breach, a joint cry from both men startles birds from trees. Edward digs his heels into the dirt again and pushes up. Calipher locks eyes with Edward. As he slowly sinks deeper and deeper he thinks how lovely his eyes are, such a warm brown flecked with gold. Edward furrows his brow, wondering what Calipher is thinking. Calipher closes his eyes and tilts his head back. After a painful epoch of time he takes the last inch with a strained keening noise. He rests, sitting on Edward’s lap, breathing purposely in slow deep breaths as he fights the urge to ride this man like a desperate whore instead of taking time to let his body adjust. Edward makes helpless whimpering noises; behind the tree he’s making fists with his hands.
“Are you ok?” Calipher opens his eyes. They’re dark and shiny, and his cheeks flushed. His raw gaze makes the breath hitch in Edward’s chest. “I’m very ok, Edward. Cause I’ve gotten what was promised to me, and I’m quite pleased about it.” “What would you have done if I was dead? Haunted my ghost for a fuck?” “For eternity.” “How faithful.” Calipher chuckles.”I’m going to move now. Move with me?” “I can’t, I’m tied to a tree,” Edward says dryly. Calipher laughs. “Again I’m doing all the work.” “Curse you nine times.” “Oh we’re almost to ten.” “God you’re as infuriating as you are beautiful.” Calipher begins to move as if ride on a saddle in slow motion. “You think I’m beautiful?” Edward blinks. “Yes, you stupid man. When you take your hair down at night and it spills across your cheek over your shoulders….” He shudders. “Oh you shot a little! God that is erotic, feeling you spill your wetness in me. Curses, I can’t wait any longer. I need the rest of it.” Calipher puts his hands on Edward’s shoulders and rides him as if in full cantor. He ignores his own cock, cause well, he promised. Edward thrusts up the best he can. Their cries mix, growing in volume. Calipher’s thighs begin to quiver and Edward is nearly in tears from frustration at not being able to touch him. It’s a worse punishment then being flogged! “Cal,” he pleads. Calipher’s muscles quiver as he tenses around Edward’s cock and draws him to the deepest depths of his body. “Oh sweet heavens!” Edward gasps. He throws his head back and bangs it on the tree. He barely feels the pain; the orgasm goes through him like a bolt of lightening. “Sweeeeet fucking heavens!” he shouts. His balls hitch up and shoots his load after load up Calipher’s perfect arse. He may be tied to this tree but Calipher cannot restrain his seed, and yet as if by some magic trick, he’s still managed to mark that man as his own. “Mine,” he growls. Calipher’s eyes widen. His face is fully pink and sweat shines on his brow. The spell breaks for Edward and he realizes what he’s said and gone red. What they have was supposed to be a casual relationship of convenience for this journey but… something has irrecoverably changed. A bridge perhaps crossed that cannot be found for the way back. Edward begins to soften. Calipher raises up to let him slide out and his warm seed spills over his cock. Edward gasps. “Ye gods, I gave you everything didn’t I?” “And more, it feels. It’s running down my thighs in torrents.” Calipher uses Edward’s shoulders again for support and stands up with weak legs. His cock is deep red and straining. Edward seems stunned he’s still hard. Had they not ejaculated together? “I promised you could finish me off, did I not?” Edward nods and licks his lips greedily, impressed by the man’s stamina. He parts his dry lips and Calipher thrusts in with unrestrained need. Edward pulls him in, greedy for his scent again, and sucks with all his strength. Calipher thrusts against his tongue with his head tossed back. He explodes with a yell Edward’s heard him use in battle. It’s a struggle to swallow it all and some spills down his chin. He rubs his tongue around the head of Calipher’s cock, making him swoon and reach for the tree to brace himself. “Curse all the gods, Edward! Sweet fucking heavens, your tongue is such a torment.”
Sensing he’s sensitive, Edward relinquishes control and allows Calipher to withdraw. He nuzzles his man at the base of the shaft, and washes his balls with his tongue. Calipher sucks air in through his teeth as the cool breeze alights on wet skin. “What a sensation that is!” “You like it?” “Yes it’s – it’s quite something.” Calipher leans against Edward’s face, face in the crook of his arm, catching his breath. “Well – well, that-” he swallows. “Well I can safely say, you have paid your debt to me.” Edward looks up at him. “I need a receipt.” Calipher peers down at him through his crooked arm. “Could you even read it or should I just draw some crude pictures on it?” ”I’ll lie and say I’m fully illiterate just for the pictures.” Calipher chuffs through his nose. ”Oh, I am spent.” “I feel completely numb, Cal. Both in that lovely tingly way when your body is feeling right proud of itself for certainly having completed a successful breeding despite its sheer ignorance of where that load went, and also because I can’t feel my arms. Can you please untie me?”
Calipher snorts. “Yes.” He pulls the dagger out of his discarded boot, walks around the tree, and cuts his lover free. Edgar groans in relief and stretches his sore arms. “Ah there, now the blood’s returning.to my finger tips. All of it left to go to my cock.” “Well you did deliver spectacularly.” Calipher also utilizes his dagger to remove some moss from a rock and uses it to clean up the cum streaking down his thighs. He yanks the yellow cloth off Edward’s belt that identifies him as a skilled tracker for hire and uses it to clean the both of them. “You know, it took me two years to earn that yellow flag.” Calipher looks at the cloth. “You silly bastard, you could have done it in far less time if you found me a white cloth and let me pee on it.” “Curse you ten times!” Edward throws a shoe at him while Calipher cackles. “Hey! Behave or I’ll tie you up again.” “Behave or I’ll tie you up.” Calipher raises an eyebrow. “Promise?” “Well I would if you hadn’t cut the rope…” “Oh yeah I did do that. Well, hopefully if we make it to town tonight – which we would have, without delays.” Edward rolls his eyes. “It was a remarkable delay though.” Calipher folds his arms. “Actually, I will agree with you and concede my point. But if we can make it to town, we could buy rope. We should at least splurge for the bath house and a room in it. I have a feeling we’re both going to want to sleep on a padded mattress tonight.” Edward groans at the thought. “A real bath.” He makes a noise of fake enlightenment. “Ah, I just realized – we’ll have to see each other naked. I’m not sure I can handle that, you see. I’ll be so embarrassed. I’m just a farm lad who gets so nervous around big strapping knights with big muscles and huge swinging pen – hey you can’t throw my own shoe back at me!” “I can and I did! At least it wasn’t a greave!” “Yes that would hurt-” Edward’s stomach interrupts them. “Ye gods, I’ve spent it all. We still have provisions back at camp?” “We do but – you’re forgetting something.” “What?” Edward gets to feet with some difficulty. Calipher points to the dead bandit on the edge of the woods. “We get to raid his campsite now for snacks.” Edward considers the unwashed man, the black edges to his nails, the dirt caked into his clothes “I am suspicious of his snacks.” “Maybe we can take his coins to buy better snacks?” Edward points a finger at Calipher. “See, that, that is why I travel with you.” Calipher reaches out to pinch Edward’s cock. “No other reason?” Edward swats his hand away. “Ha! Stopped you. And Nope. None. Zero. No reason at all why I travel with you. Nothing to do with my cock anyhow.” Calipher throws his woolen sock at him and sticks out his tongue.
Edward sticks his tongue back. He watches Calipher dress and his face softens. “Cal?” “Yes Edward?” “Thank you for rescuing me. I had a very dark and lonely night out here, near beside myself at the thought of leaving this Earth without telling you first.” Calipher glances up at him as he secures his sword belt around his waist. “You’re my tracker. If you left, I’d have to follow you.”
Edward is left so breathless and flustered by this comment, he puts his trousers on backwards and falls over in the process, putting a dent in his greave. “Oh curse you eleven times.”
“Bro, I am so worn out.” “I told you I’d fuck you until you couldn’t move.” “I thought you were exaggerating.” “I was not.” “It feels like I’ll never be hard again.” “Oh, bosh. You’re young. Your balls will fill up and by tomorrow morning, you’ll be pushing up against me, hoping I’ll fuck you for breakfast.” He groans. “I feel so seen. I love morning dick.” “If you stop trying to suppress how much sex you actually want, a lot of fun things can happen.” “Yeah…we did have a lot of fun this morning.” I smile. “We did. Do you uh, want to take your lunch on the sofa?” “Bro, yeah anything to avoid getting up right now. I can’t move at all.” “You poor baby.” He flips me off and I laugh. “How are you even moving right now?” “Oh me? I’m energized, I feed off your sexual aura.” I wiggle my fingers and make mysterious hand gestures. “Ha ha, very funny. If you feed off of sexual auras how do you know how to make lunch?” “Making a sandwich is the same as having sex,” I explain, “Meat, cake like bread, white sauce.” He pauses. “I don’t know if I’m hungry now or not.” As if on cue, his stomach grumbled. “Ugh you betrayed me.” “I’ll be back with your sandwich.” “No white sauce please.” “One un-fucked sandwich coming right up!” “Ewww!”
Santa was surprised to receive an unexpected letter at the North Pole: “Dear Santa – I’m all grown up, but I never got to experience Christmas as a child. I have been a naughty young man this year, which means I was a good boy right? So wouldn’t you come visit me? You must miss adult company a lot. I live on a ranch and your reindeer can graze. And it’s cold, so it will feel like home.”
Santa couldn’t resist such a nice letter, and after his route was over, he made a special stop in Montana. Timothy was very much a nice boy with naughty ideas. It was a new way to relax after the busiest day of the year. Even though Santa fell asleep shortly after, he woke up late in the night with an empty stomach. Santa couldn’t help slipping out of bed in the middle of the night to grab a cookie. But the lights came on! Timothy caught him. “Oh Santa, are you leaving already?”
“No, Timmy, I’m just grabbing a snack, you gave me an appetite and I can’t resist cookies and milk. Did you bake these? They’re very good.” “Yes Santa. Mama’s recipe. Oh dear, it seems my cat has been playing with the Christmas tree again! Ornaments everywhere!” Timmy bent over to return the ornaments to their branches and noticed some small boxes. “What are these?” Santa smiled. “I left him some toys under the tree too.” “Oh Santa, you really are the best! And look, you’re standing under the Mistletoe. I will thank you for your kindness with a kiss.” And he rewarded Santa with a kiss. “Oh ho, it has been a Merry Christmas after all hasn’t it Timmy?” “It really has! I’ll make you a sandwich, and let’s take it, the milk, and the cookies back to bed Santa. You must be very tired and my bed is very warm.” Santa yawned. “How do you know what I want every time?” “Ha! Maybe I’m a magical elf.” Santa had a big belly laugh. “Oh ho! If all elves were like you Timmy, I wouldn’t be able to get ready for Christmas in time!”
____________________ Captions are fictional. Yeah I wrote Santa porn, come at me.
