Dieter hears the truck pull up. He opens the door and greets the mailman.
“Hello, Mr. Schmidt. How are you today?”
“Fine, thank you. My wife had a boy on Tuesday.”
“Congratulations! Here, I just made some cookies. Why don’t I give you some for her?”
“Oh she’d love that. She’s been having sugar cravings recently. Here’s your mail.”
I accept it. “Thank you. One moment. You want a bottle of water too?”
“Sure, very kind of you to offer.”
“Of course, it’s warm today.”

I leave the door open and disappear into the kitchen so I can wrap up some cookies and fetch the water bottle. He glances into the house and spots my boyfriend in his compromised position. I give him the items in a plastic grocery bag, but my mailman is distracted.

“Thank you very much. If I may ask…what on earth did your boyfriend do to get secured to the wall like that?”
I glance over my shoulder. “Oh him? He wouldn’t stop eating the raw cookie batter. Greedy little thing. Doesn’t he know not to eat raw egg?”
Mr. Schmidt is momentarily speechless, then he clears his throat. “He really should know better than to eat raw egg.”
“Thank you! That’s what I said. Boys these days. You look out for their best interests and they act like you’re ruining their lives.”
Mr. Schmidt nods, understandably. “Not much different than raising kids.”
“Indeed.”
“Thanks for the cookies again, Mr. Petersen.”
“No problem. Thanks for the mail. Good day!”

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Text is fictional. Watermarked.