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Well, I mean a frat party is good, if you like your blowjobs with a hefty side of self-doubt. Which can be nice, don’t get me wrong—what they lack in technique they make up for in lack of technique; there’s something to be said for a guy being so driven to put your dick in his mouth even though he obviously has no fuckin’ clue what he’s doing. Plus—okay, feeling hung as hell is a cheap pleasure, so sue me—it makes ‘em easier to choke, makes it easier to feel their throats close down on what must feel to them like some righteously monstrous shaft.

And sure, some guys like to cruise the Queer Student Assosh meetings, which is cool. There’s something else to be said—usually just “uggghhh, fuck yes, more”—for a boy who knows what he’s doing, for being not his first dick but his fortieth, for having him look up at you hungrily as he sweeps his tongue over your head and tries to make you cum from the balls of your feet. There’s something to be said for being eaten like a fat kid eats pie.

But, nah man, I’m telling you: The best place to find the truly excellent cocksuckers—the ones who work for it, the ones who pray for it, the ones who thank you for it by wiping their cummy faces with the back of their arms and then blushing so fuckin’ cute when you tell them they missed a spot—is the library.

I was part of that secret club of boys loitering around library for a chance to pleasure another man. We called ourselves the 306 boys, because in the Dewey Decimal system, 306 is gay and lesbian non-fiction code. You just had to cruise down that aisle between the walls of books and wait. You could always spot the newbies – tops and bottoms both – because they’d be nervous and weird, but the experts were casual browsers and we only knew who was who because of repeat visits. When a man wanted a blowjob, he’d look at you, you’d look at them. Since there’s no talking in the library, we had to get creative. One of us would pull a book out a little and push it back in. If the other was interested, they’d do the same. Tops always picked a higher shelf than the bottoms, so there was no confusion.

Then, once you landed your man, you’d both sneak off and do the deed. My friends and parents thought I was such an excellent student because I spent so much time in the library… if only they knew I couldn’t study for more than a hour with dreaming of sucking cock. So many horny college guys, both straight and gay, so little time.