I know, I know. Religion is outdated, atheism is in. Americans are shedding their faith faster than last’s seasons iPhone. I mean, I get it – if you try to take the Bible literally it’s impossible to accept from a logical standpoint. It’s the message though that I like. I don’t see anything wrong though with believing that some great, divine power guides nature and humanity, using the universe as a cosmic canvas. When life falls apart or seems uncertain, I love to go to church and bask in the light streaming through stained-glass windows. It reminds me to not worry about things I cannot control, to accept things I cannot change, and it invigorates me to make what improvements I can.
There is one school of religious thought that I still cling to though. Purity. The whole concept of “my body is a temple”. Technically, I was born in this world with one biological purpose – to reproduce with a female counterpart – but the Divine Power gave me a special assignment. I turned out homosexual, with interest and lust towards men only. Although with science’s advancements and adoption, I could very well still reproduce, but is no longer my primary function. I did not know exactly what it is.
I was confused for many years because I also did not understand why the Divine Power would reassign my purpose but allow me to keep my penis and testicles and sex drive. One morning while listening to the choir sing hymns, the answer to my question of purpose came to me. Love. Even if I was not destined to reproduce, the Divine Power wanted me to go forth and share the awesomeness of world through the lens of love. I figured that two people bonded as soulmates that shared sexual energy would be a better conduit of this power than a solo individual. Love was the difference between being *in* the universe and *part* of the universe.
I could still give my body and virginity to someone I cherished. It would be a gift I could only give once, though, and I felt great responsibility to protect it. Perhaps I’m just silly. Perhaps it’s all in my head, that I’ve over-estimated my own importance. Deep down, I know I’m weak. I need the reassurance that there is a plan for me. I need faith.
So, that is why I locked myself up. I do not believe masturbation is a misdeed, I just worry that if I became complacent with my cock I would take advantage of it and slowly lose the magic behind intimacy. When you experience an orgasm, your whole body becomes an unstoppable engine of hormones and muscle. I don’t think people appreciate it enough. When I finally bed the right man who will take my virginity, I want it to be ceremonial. I want each climax to be a religious experience. I want to wake up the next morning feeling enlightened and new.
I am still young though, and that man will come. For now, I still go to church on Sunday and take long, solitary walks under the stars and keep my hands off my cock.
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Text is fictional. Source has been deleted.
PSA: My special writing sale/fundraiser is still ongoing~