Tony D’Angelo
Fire Fuckers (2022)
“Sit.” Douglas gestured to the couch.
RJ sat. His body pretty much did it on its own at this point.
“Tell me what you’re thinking right now?”
“Well.” RJ folded his hands in his lap. “Curiousity, mostly. You told me this wouldn’t be a normal session, and that someone is joining us. But we’re not at the club, we’re in your apartment. And we don’t normally have sessions on Wednesday afternoon. So I’m curious.”
Douglas smiled. “Well, Wednesday was the only afternoon he still had free this month.”
“He?” RJ repeated.
“Yep.” Douglas gestured to the closed guest bedroom door.
“He’s already here?”
“Yep.”
RJ furrowed his brow. “Who is?”
“Well. Before we get to that, ask me why he is here.”
If RJ wasn’t totally confused, he was now. “Ok…why is here, Sir?”
“Well, it didn’t escape me that you’re just about one year sober now.”
RJ blushed. “Yeah, it was Halloween last year when I crashed the car.”
Douglas nodded. “Yes. And I wanted to show how proud of you I was by getting you a gift. So I thought – what would RJ enjoy?” He gestured with an upturn hand. “And then I thought, I know what RJ would enjoy. So I made a few calls. Frank, can you come out here please?”
RJ’s attention snapped to the guest room door. It opened, and a man in a bulky uniform walked out into the living room. He posed.
“Hello, my name is Frank. I heard you set the fire alarm off lately. I’m here to teach you about fire safety.” And then he pulled open his jacket to reveal tattoos and jacked abs.
RJ squealed and covered his mouth with his hands. “Noooo. You didn’t. Douglas are you serious?? You got me a firefighter stripper as a gift?!”
Douglas laughed. “Yes. And he’s actually a real firefighter.”
“NO.”
“Yep,” Frank said. He slapped his jacket. “It’s my old bunker gear.”
RJ made another high pitched noise. “I can’t even fucking think right now. I know Halloween is coming up, but I think we’re calling Christmas off cause nothing is topping this.”
“Oh there’s going to be topping alright,” Frank interrupted.
“He goes all the way,” Douglas added.
RJ giggled behind his hands. “This is amazing. Are you joining us Sir?”
“I’ll be watching. You know, to ensure you are properly punished for setting the smoke detector off.”
“I am such a bad boy.”
“Constantly. But still, I’m proud of you. So enjoy your reward.”
RJ smiled. “Thank you Sir. And I will, I definitely will. And I guess if I’m being punished for fire safety, I should confess to the time I set the carpet on fire when I was 8. Knocked over a candle.”
“Yeah he definitely needs to be punished, I see why you called me,” Frank said to Douglas, and then he turned his attention to RJ. “Say, RJ, why don’t you help me get my bunker jacket off. I’m starting to feel a little warm…”
Douglas tried not to snort. It was so cheesy, but he had to admit Frank knew what he was doing. He used his phone to turn on the music Frank had requested and left to go prepare some drinks in the kitchen. He had a feeling they were both going to be sweating a lot.
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Captions are fictional.