Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Ugh every guy on Grindr I’ve already banged already, or they’re my best friend, or they’re ‘swole and not into fems’. What losers. Femmy boys are some of the nicest people. Oh, ugh, swipe. Swipe. S.. woah. Who is that? Hey that’s Jason, my old lacrosse buddy from high school in the background of this shot. Holy shit, does that mean this guy is his brother David?? Oh my god, that can’t be him – the David in this photo is fucking hot as hell. DavId was this skinny dude with a squeaky voice and terrible acne, and he was always dating this crazy weeaboo. Oh my goood I could wash my clothing on his abs. Damn those arms! Bitch is on proteeeein. I bet he could fucking bench me now! Shit, I kind of want him to. I’mma say hi.
Me: So not dating Weaboo Kate anymore huh?
David: …Who is this?
Me: Don’t recognize me? This Eli Burkhart, but everyone called me Burkie.
David: ….oh my god. I didn’t recognize you with short hair. You were the captain of the Lacrosse team Jason was on. Your best friend put my head in the toilet.
Me: Oh shit. I’m so sorry about that. I haven’t hung out with RJ in years. He was an asshole.
David: …Thanks, actually. Makes me feel better. What are you doing on Grindr?
Me: Looking for cute boys, what else? Why do you think I was on the lacrosse team anyway lol.
David: Hard to believe your gay.
Me: ME? What about you? My jaw fell off when I saw your photos. What happened to the old David?
David: I shed him a long time ago. In my freshman year of college, I discovered I had a hormone imbalance and I got into fitness. Still nervous about getting out there and meeting guys though.
Me: …Please don’t make me beg to take you out for coffee.
David: I might be 26 now, but hey I’m still flattered that the captain of the lacrosse team wants to take me out for coffee hahah.
Me: =D Urth Caffe, Thursday, 9 pm?
David: Can we do 8? I have an early class the next morning.
Me: Sure sweetheart. Bring your yearbook. We’re gonna have a blast.
David: Ahha omg I bet.
David woke up Friday, late for class, and naked in Burkie’s bed. There was a used condom in the trash and there was cum all over his stomach. The night before was a blur of humping and petting and fingering – poor David was too tight for Eli to get in – but still, as David roused to consciousness, he couldn’t remember feeling more satisfied or content. He smiled at Eli’s sleeping form and said a small confession.
“Thanks for giving me a chance, buddy. I used to watch you play lacrosse from the bleachers, and everyone used to think I was there for Jason…can’t believe this fantasy has become real. I hope we turn out to be something special.”
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Text is fictional.