I had had sex before – one night stands, club hook-ups, Grindr rendezvous in new cities – but I had never let anyone make love to me, because I did not trust of those men with my love. I often thought perhaps I should be a bit embarrassed how much I liked the cheesiness, the sappiness of romance and secretly pined for it. I never told anyone how much I really wanted that, more than anything. Until, that is, I met Todd. When I met him, I honestly thought he was going to be like all the rest. I indulged him, this man who was seventeen years older than me and still out looking for fun at night. But it was Todd who pursued me days after we fucked. Todd who flirted with me, who actually cared about me beyond my dick…

And then when Todd got bad news, he pushed me away, and lord for whatever reason I ran right after him. Now here we are, the night before his brain surgery, sharing his bed and about to make love for the first time. We knew this might be the last time; god forbid something went wrong in the operating room. Yet, Todd decorated the room for me. He brought out the nice, high thread count Egyptian sheets in gold, my favorite color. He bought some lightly scented candles and lit them for ambiance. Gentle classical music played in the background. On the nightstand were our negative STD tests. No condoms in sight. Just nice, warming lube, wash clothes, massage oil, a few little toys, high quality bottled water… everything a couple could need in one room.

Although the passion and love that followed that night remained clear to me fifty years later as it did that night, the brightest memory I have is the moment just before we began. Todd and I were sitting in bed, both naked, the sheets up to our waists. He leaned into me; our heads touched. He put a hand on my arm, but said nothing. We did not need words to communicate. When I opened my eyes, I saw his were wet and he was holding back tears. I knew if I tried to say anything the same thing would happen to me.

I don’t think I said another word that night until he was inside of me, and I couldn’t hold back any longer. 

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Text is fictional. Source is the movie Truth.