How did it come to this? I mean, last time I checked I was a scruffy, carefree college student. Marriage, home-ownership, 9-5 jobs – those things were for chumps. I was out rock-climbing and kayaking. I backpacked India! and Europe! I went to bath houses in strange cities and had excellent sexual experiences with beautiful men. I was going to start a non-profit…or something….and change the world or something…
And how did I end up here? Didn’t it all start when I met Hugo on the back-packing trail? Weren’t were just going to be in an open-relationship, unbound, fun, and free? Cause trail relationships never work out? When did I become scared of that, and start to play it safe? Now I’m taking my work home with me because 40 hours is not enough hours to get it all done. Our names are on this house, because it’s more economical than renting. And I do believe the man whose arms are wrapped around my waist is thoroughly committed to me monogamously and loves me very much? And most of it all, why does our cat run this house? I haven’t sat down in two hours. I’m no Slytherin, I’m a Hufflepuff. No, I’m a doormat in front of the Hufflepuff house.
“Atlund,” my husband asks softly, “Are you overwhelmed with work tonight? We haven’t had a night together in a while…”I cringe. When he’s speaking softly, it’s not a good sign. It mean he’s scared of being rejected, but he’s still so needy and hopeful that he’s risking it. This is the man that brought surprise-afternoon-sex to our relationship. And now it’s down to him begging while I drown in paper at 8 pm on a Tuesday night. I feel his arms tightening around me. I understand what Hugo’s saying without another word. I’m drifting away, and he’s trying to tether me to him. I glance down at the papers in my hand and suddenly, they’re meaningless.
”Hey Hugo?” I ask, tossing the papers onto the desk. One piece slides off the desk, over the cat. She doesn’t seem to care and resumes cat loafing.
”Yeah Atlund?” he asks, hopeful.
”You know what? I hate this.”
Hugo tenses. “…Oh my god, you hate me?”
My eyes go wide. I spin around and cup his face in my hands. “No, no no no, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry. I mean – this.” I gesture with my hand. “I hate this, this…thing I’ve become. Let’s … let’s go.”
He sputters. “Go where?”
”South Asia. Let’s go buy a motorbike in Thailand and ride it across South Asia, and then we’ll meet up with your brother working in China.”
Hugo gasps.
”The distribution center you’re working for is merging and consolidating, right?”
He nods briskly.
”And you seem so burnt out. Volunteer to quit, they’ll probably give you severance. I’ll quit my job, we’ll rent the house for income, live off our savings, and spend those weeks relearning why we fell in love in the first place, and figure out how to live our lives right this time. God, I miss kayaking.”
Hugo looks frankly astonished. “…Am I asleep?” he finally asks, cautiously.
I hear a strange sound, then I realize it was me laughing. It’d been so long I almost didn’t recognize it. “No. No you’re not. I’ve been asleep. I got lulled into this stupid work/spend cycle and lost focus of what was important. You. Us. I can’t enjoy living unless I get time to love you.”
Hugo sniffles and his bottom lip quivers. He takes a deep breath. “Ok.” He says. “Ok, let’s do this. Let’s …let’s go. Wait.”
”What?” I ask, my eyes searching his face.
“What about Mittens?”
I glance at the cat. “We’ll give her to my sister. Our niece looooves her.”
Hugo nods, still seemingly a little stunned. “Wow. There really is an answer to everything.”
”Then let’s go.”
He smiles. “Yeah. Let’s go.”
I hook my fingers in his belt loops. “Why don’t we celebrate our renewal by spending the rest of the evening having the dirtiest sex we can imagine?”
Hugo’s blank face slides into a smirk. “You wanna do it bareback? Me slamming again you, making the headboard bang against the wall?”
I groan. “Shit, I just want you fucking me. You do it in whatever pose you want.” I cup him between his legs and rub. “Oh man, Hugo, I forgot how hot you are… I want this. I want you. I want you so goddamn bad. God, how could I have ignored this for so long?”
Hugo jumps on me and kisses me, our lips roiling and colliding. I omit a muffled cry of bliss and bring our hips together. His shirt lands on the cat. Mittens seems miffed and goes off to do cat stuff.
Apparently, ‘dirty’ meant banging me right against the desk and getting cum and sweat all over the TPS reports… but we made it to the bed. Eventually.
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Text is fictional.
