Jeff & Nate Approved! 🇺🇸👍🏻
Bite me!!,
“So I’ll pick up the cake for the party, and then you can pick up the wine mom loves and – …Jesus, Marty, what is that?”
“What’s what?” He asks, brow furrowed.
“This.” She points to his back. “Looks like an infectious disease. Is your tattoo infec… wait. Are those – bite marks??”
“Uuuuuhhh…”
“Dude, those are some serious marks.”
Marty rubs the back of his neck and turns red. “Um, my boyfriend is a little possessive?”
“Are you sure he’s not a werewolf?”
“Oh shut up sis. He’s not even hairy.”
“Ha! Well. Be careful, if he tries to eat you you may want to break up with him.”
“With how good he is in bed? I think not.”
“…I love you Marty, but I don’t want to picture you getting laid. Congrats on the sex though.”
“Thanks, Jen. I’m proud of myself too.”
“Just uh, don’t wear a tank top to mom and dad’s anniversary party ok?”
“Duly noted.”
[The day of the party]
Marty looks in the mirror and adjusts his shirt. He pauses, then gasps. “Oh fuck he gave me a hicky last night! Fuck!” He runs to his roommate’s room. “Harvey, honey, you need to cover this up.”
Harvey looks up from his issue of Cosmo. “Oh now you want to play with my make up. Everyone snobs a drag queen until they need one. MMhmm.”
“Pleaaaaaase? I’ll buy you dinner at that bougie Italian place you like.”
Harvey sighs in a dramatic way. “Fuck, you know I have a weakness for ravioli. Alright, alright. I’m only doing this cause it’s your parents. jock gays and your problems…”
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Captions are fictional.