“Hey babe,” he mumbles, his voice thick with sleep.
“Woah holy shit!” I jerked, dropping my cereal spoon onto the floor. “W-h-who the fuck are you? How did you get into my apartment?!”
“What bro…?” he blinks at me, “You don’t remember? We met at a bar last night, we came back here. You were fucking awesome in the sack, bro. You made me cum buckets.”
“…What.”
“…You really don’t remember?” he tilts his head at me.
In truth, I remembered flashes of things but I thought it was just a weird hangover dream. I also recalled the giant lump in the blankets on the other side of the bed and dismissing it, thinking it was a pile of laundry under there. Apparently it wasn’t.

“Um. Wow. Well I’m…straight, actually.”
He closes one eye in the morning light and tries to comb his unruly hair with his fingers. “Straight boys don’t fuck men in the ass like that, bro. I’m gonna go take a shower. Where are the extra towels?”
My gaze wanders down to his abs and his illiac crest. He looks good in those shorts too. “Um what now? Oh, towels? In the linen closet in the hallway.”
“Thanks, bro,” he smiles and waves, then wander off.
I have to sit down. Did I really fuck a man in the ass last night? He said I made him ‘cum buckets’. That’s good right? Shit. I sit there, poking my cereal, eating it but not tasting it, as I roll the new facts over in my mind. When the stranger comes out of the shower, he’s awake and alert, his wet hair combed back. I stare. He looks familiar, then it dawns on me that he looks like half the guys in the porn I watch. The …oh god, the straight porn, with the hot guys in it. Shit.

“…Are you ok bro?” he asks me, his brow furrowing.
“I’m not sure,” I admit, “I just can’t get over the fact that I fucked you.”
He grins. “You’re a stud, be proud of it! Your balls are really big too, I love sucking on big nuts.” He peers into my cabinets. “Why don’t we go out for brunch?”
I just blankly nod and go along with it, still kind of stunned by his casual vulgarity.

I don’t know what that cafe put in their coffee, but by the end of the meal I was his boyfriend. It was only after I came to that monumental decision did I realize that I had no idea what his name is. I had to ask when I put him in my phone. His name is Brandon. Brandon…my boyfriend. Am I dreaming? 2014 is going to be an interesting year, for sure.

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Post is fictional.