I wake up quite suddenly to screaming. I flail in my bed, gasping, suddenly awake and confused. My heart is jackhammering from the surprise. The screaming deteriorates to raw shouts, and the sheets are moving around me like turbulent waters. The shouting turns into words, “Neil! Neil! No don’t go! Neil! NEIL! Wait! Don’t go!” The fog clears from my head as I awaken, although my pulse will not calm. It’s my boyfriend. He’s waking from a nightmare.
“Grady! Grady! Grady, wake up!” I bark at him. I reach over and grab his flailing wrists, trying to calm him. “Grady, wake up!”
He’s still fighting me, begging for Neil. I give him a gentle smack across the face.“GRADY.”
His eyes shoot open. His chest is heaving; he’s covered in sweat. Grady stares at me, trying to process what was happening. “…Rowen…?” he says, sounding entirely baffled.
“Yes, it’s me. It’s Rowen. You were having a nightmare,” I said firmly.
“Rowen….” he says, his voice cracking. “I- I saw Neil. He – he spoke to me – and-” Grady’s throat closes and be begins to cry.
I bite my lip to prevent from getting emotional. Grady needs a rock. I pull him into my arms; he squeezes me tight and buries his face in my neck. I can feel his tears running down my shoulder. I lean backwards and we fall back onto the pillows. “Shhh…it’s ok…deep breaths. Deep breaths, in…out…in…out…very good,” I murmur trying to keep him from hyperventilating. He is soon hysterical, sobbing loudly in my arms. I rock Grady and let him vent.
“Grady you need to breathe. Come back to me, honey.”
He groans against me, then hiccups loudly. “Rowen, I saw him. I saw Neil! He smiled at me, he spoke to me.”
“What did he say sweetheart?”
“He said that I looked happy. He said…he said that he missed me, and he was sorry he left me.” Grady sniffled, “and he said, he was relieved I’d met someone.”
“He mentioned me?” I repeated, intrigued.
“Yes,” Grady sighed, “He liked you. He said it was going to be ok. He just wanted to check on me. Oh god, Rowen, he looked just like the last day I saw him before – before…”
I kiss the back of Grady’s head. “Today is the 8th anniversary of his death isn’t it?”
He nods and sniffs again. “I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful, but …gawd, Neil, I miss him.” Grady goes still against me, exhausted.
“Oh honey, I’m not upset. You and Neil were married; his death left a big hole in your heart, love. No one is expecting you to "get over” that. Certainty not me. There is a place for Neil in our lives, but don’t forget I am here and I love you.“
My shoulder feels wet again. It’s a moment before Grady speaks again. "Neil was right. About you, I mean, Rowen. I am really lucky, to be loved by two fantastic men in my life. I need to…I need to let Neil go and move on. He was ready to go. I need to move on.”
I kissed him again. “Whatever you do, I’ll support you.”
He sighed. “I’m sleepy.”
“Go back to bed, love. I’ll hold you. I’ll be here when you wake up.
Grady lifts his head and kisses me on the lips. "I love you, Rowen.”
“I love you too.”
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Text is fictional.