The thing that surprised me most about being in a relationship with Zane was just how he could make an honest man out of me. I don’t mean marriage, I mean the way he could just shut off the white noise in my brain which resulted in me saying whatever was on my mind. You don’t realize just how many things influence what comes out of your mouth.
Our culture has specific rules on what is vulgar and what is not, what you should want and what you shouldn’t, and the virtues of being ‘pure’ versus being ‘dirty’, and what being ‘dirty’ says to your character. We sometimes doubt ourselves so much that we can’t even figure out what we really want. Our desires get lost in the fog of ‘what would people think if [blank]?”, even though chances of them finding out what you do with your self or your lover in private is slim to none.
Zane kissing me might as well be the off button to all that bother. When he asks me questions – filthy, inappropriate, kinky questions – I just answer him without a second of reconsideration. All the answers are there. Zane just has to ask the right ones, and I will spit out the right response. So when he asked me just now – You want to suck my cock? – I said yes, because I really, truly wanted to suck him. I was not ashamed or embarrassed of how much I liked to pleasure him with my tongue and listen to him moan, or to taste his saltiness in the back of my throat, or to feel that fat vein on his shaft throb from my actions. Matter of fact, I was giddy. Excited. Eager. Horny.
I was in the grocery store the other day, and thinking to myself about that question, and I was blushing. I was sure everyone could read my mind. Would I suck your cock? No, of course not! That’s totally wrong, and kind of gross. It was as if I seemingly had two different minds. When I was in one mode, the other seemed ridiculous and unfathomable. It was bizarre, but also…magical. Cause that special place I go with Zane? No other boyfriend has ever taken me there. It is my favorite place.
Yes, Zane, I want to suck it real bad. I really want to. Please let me.
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Text is fictional. This is from Cocky Boys – Trenton Ducati and Jack Hunter. Thanks @themercuryjones for listing that info.