“You’re safe now, boy. I’ve got you.”
“You’re safe now, boy. I’ve got you.”
Seamus hiccuped and let his forehead rest on his big, strong boyfriend’s shoulder. “Why is my mother so mean to me, Jo?” he whispered.
“Because she can’t ruin you too.”
“…What? What do you mean?”
“Your mother has always been a petty, jealous, narcissitic woman, Seamus. I know she went through some tough stuff, but instead of using that as a challenge to overcome she just let it eat her up inside. She blames everyone else for her imperfect life, although she never tried to fix it or better herself. Does that sound right?”
Seamus niffled and nodded. “Yeah, it does,” he said sadly. “Everything I did growing up had to be about her in some way. ‘You want to do tennis? Do you want everyone in town to think I’m some preppy tennis mom when I’m obviously not? We’re eating Spaghetti-os here! I work so hard around here and you just want to take advantage of money I don’t have. There are things I want too, Seamus…’ blablabla…in that screechy voice too.”
Jo sighed softly. “I know it was hard for you, baby. But she’s so mad she couldn’t ruin you too. That she couldn’t drag you down, beat out your spirit, defeat you. She wants you to be more miserable than she is, so she can feel better than someone. And you won’t let her. All you do is succeed and win at life.”
“You mean it?” Seamus asked, looking up at his lover.
“I do. You got straight As, got a scholarship to college, graduated with top honors, got a job offer right out of school at that awesome fashion company you loved… baby, you’re killing it.”
“Plus I have a hot boyfriend,” Seamus joked.
“That you do,” Jo replied, kissing Seamus on the forehead again.
Seamus hiccuped. “Still, despite everything, I want my mother to love me. It just hurts to think she will never love me like I want her to.”
“Oh honey, don’t cry,” Jo said in a soothing voice, pushing those tears away with the pad of his thumb. “It’s ok. You don’t need it. Hell, she doesn’t deserve your love. She had the chance and she squandered it. I don’t think you should give her another chance. I wouldn’t.”
Seamus sniffled and tightened his arms around Jo. “You know, I just realized, how you must feel.”
“Me?” Jo responded, surprised.
“Yes. You were so considerate when you were dating me, always being so proactive about winning me over. Always doing little things for me. I made you earn my love and made you wait before I gave it, but I turn around and just throw it at my mother who doesn’t even cherish it. God I’m so stupid.”
“No no, honey, no,” Jo said firmly. “Familial love is different. It’s deeper. I’m grateful you have let me into your life, but we were strangers once. It’s different.”
Seamus didn’t appear to have heard him. “I should be focusing on who wants my love and who cherishes it. You. You deserve it. I want to give it to you instead. Not her. But still, why do I still feel guilty at the idea of cutting my mother off?”
Jo was ready with an answer. “Because you still think that if you do one thing – say something, do something, become something, she will love you. Or maybe, that something will happen to her, and she’ll change.”
Seamus exhaled softly, his shoulder’s sagging. “Yeah…I think that’s it.”
“Honey, nothing you do will be good enough for her. You could become straight, cure cancer, become the President, marry an actress, win the lottery, and buy your mom a house and a car, and she will still make you feel bad, tear you down, doubt yourself, and try to make it all about her.”
Seamus lifted his tear-stained face. “Oh my god, you’re right. You’re so right. I mean, I will never not be the ‘stupid faggot’ she hates that I am, so there’s no hope for the rest. I sure as hell won’t be curing cancer, and I haven’t even dreamed of giving up my awesome job to try and please her.”
Jo beamed. “That’s my smart boy. And you’re following her on Facebook right? If something bad happens, you’ll hear about it from someone and we can talk about it then.”
Seamus nodded. Jo pinched Seamus’s chin with his finger. “Your life is here. With me, and my love. Can I have your phone?”
Seamus furrowed his brow, pulled it out of his pocket, and held it over. Jo fussed with it and handed it back.
“What did you do?”
“Look in your contacts.”
Seamus did. Under where it used to say ‘Mom” it now said, “Janet. Do not answer.”
“Janet…” Seamus said.
“Just another name on the list now. Besides, if you want a mother figure, you can borrow one of mine. I have two, remember, and god they will mother you to pieces if you let them.”
“…Really? They would?”
“Oh yeah. By the way, why don’t we ask them if we can go visit them out in New Mexico for a weekend?”
Seamus perked up. “I’d like that. I think I’m just sort of missing having a family right now.”
“I understand, sweet boy. You can start with me, and mine, and one day we’ll make our family.”
“Like…with kids?” Seamus asked shyly.
“One day,” Jo responded. “But we have to get married first.”
Seamus blushed and tucked his head against Jo’s pectoral again. “I’d like that.”
Jo tried not to grin as widely as he was. “So would I. But I would to propose to you proper first. I’ll get my grandmother’s ring from Mama Sue when we go visit ok?”
“Oh Jo, you are so wonderful to me,” Seamus said.
“This is what love is supposed to be like, Seamus.”
Seamus started to answer when his phone rang. A dark look crossed his face when he looked at the screen. “It’s M… ..It’s Janet.” Jo didn’t say anything as Seamus studied the phone. It rang and rang. He thumbed it to mute, and stuck it in his pocket. “I don’t want to talk to Janet right now. I want to talk about this trip.”
Jo cheered. “Yah! That’s my boy.” He kissed Seamus hard and made him giggle. “You wanna go get pizza and ice cream for dinner?”
“Oh hell yes. …Can we have hot sex on the sofa when we get back?”
Jo gave his lover a smoldering smirk. “Seamus baby, the answer to that question will never be no.”
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Text is fictional.